Brianne West
June 8, 2024
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I had a comment on one of my videos the other day that broke my heart. A budding entrepreneur plucked up the courage to talk to her family about a business idea she had bubbling away and she was laughed at.
And it’s certainly not the first. I hear this type of commentary from Business, but Better members and other entrepreneurs I mentor a lot. You should see the poll we ran in our community the other day. 100% of those surveyed said a friend or family member had told them their business was a stupid idea, that they should quit, or that they weren’t cut out for business.
What?!
I am lucky that my family and most of my friends have always been incredibly on board (even when they were initially a little sceptical about ‘bar shampoo’).
But I remember so clearly, many years ago, when someone who absolutely should have been in my corner said, “Do you think these are good enough to export?” as we watched the pallet get loaded on a truck. Turns out, yes, they were (22 countries later). But the fact I still remember that comment word for word seven years later tells you how much it bothered me.
Honest advice and feedback are crucial to shape a startup into a real business. Asking questions, being a sounding board, and pointing out areas for improvement are all fine, but it’s essential to do it in a constructive manner. Negative comments from friends and family - who should be our strongest supporters - can be particularly damaging.
I chatted about this on LinkedIn a couple of weeks ago and many people in the comments completely missed the point I was making.
The response was often that “friends and family aren’t the target audience, so they won’t get it,” or that “if an entrepreneur can’t handle criticism, they shouldn’t be an entrepreneur.”
Sure, those two things are true. But also, not at all the point.
The real issue is that friends and family shouldn't be saying things like this in the first place!
Aotearoa needs to be a more productive country. This means more startups. And that means more people taking risks and chasing their business goals. You know what holds them back more than lack of money or experience?
Lack of support.
Call it tall poppy if you like, but it’s a problem even before those stems start growing.
You may not get it, you may think it’s a stupid idea, you may be saying these things out of genuine concern. But there is a right way and a wrong way to express this, and it would appear a lot of people are doing it the wrong way.
Friends and family play a crucial role in the lives of entrepreneurs. Their support can be a significant motivator, while their criticism can be deeply discouraging. Negative comments from loved ones can stick with you for years (clearly), making you doubt your capabilities and the viability of your business. It also stops people from giving it a go in the first place.And even if you do think it’s a bad idea, chances are, you’re wrong.
Humans are breathtakingly bad at predicting what will or won’t work.
Venture capital companies (VCs) usually make their money back just once in every five deals. Early-stage investment is even riskier with angels having a far worse return rate. They can’t pick winners any better than anyone else. Almost every successful company has a story where people told them to give up, that it wouldn’t work and that they were wasting their time.
One of my favourites is Canva – that tech behemoth worth in excess of $3 billion. The founders were rejected by over 100 VCs before taking on investment to grow.
Humans aren’t good at predicting the future.
Entrepreneurship is hard. If you have an entrepreneur in your family or circle, all you have to do is be supportive. You can ask questions, push them hard on things you think are weak, challenge them on their assumptions. But you never, ever tell them that they, or their idea is stupid or laugh at them.
And before you say ‘oh, no one does that’, let me repeat, every single person in the poll we ran had had that happen to them.
And it happened to me. So, unfortunately, it does.
So, to founders out there:
Some people can get funny when you tell them your business plans. This is not a reflection on you. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Even if they do think the idea needs work, a true friend would never laugh at you. They’d give you constructive feedback - kindly. Snarky comments from those who should give you the most support are not helpful.
Not everyone will understand your vision or believe in your potential. Some people might be critical, not out of malice, but because they don’t see what you see. Keep pushing forward. Seek out those who support and believe in you, and don’t let negative comments deter you from pursuing your dreams.
Yes, you need to build resilience, but you should be able to lean on those closest to you when you need support.
To friends and family: let’s all do better.
If you’re a friend or family member of an entrepreneur, consider the weight of your words. Offer constructive feedback by all means, but do so with kindness and encouragement. Your support can make a world of difference to someone striving to build something new and meaningful.
And in this world, we need as many people as possible solving the problems we face.
